Photo by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash
TLC said it best. What about your friends? Will they stand their ground? Will they let you down again?
Cliff Vmir posted on IG not too long ago about people posting subs at their so called friends this year. Everyone seems to have some sort of resentment of who is in their circle.
Honestly..... 2020 brought many situations that was in the dark to the light. The realization that people aren't who they claim to be. That you may value someone who never valued you. You probably went to every event they had, supported anything that they touched and was always there when they needed you. But what happened when the shoe was on the other foot? Was it the same? Probably not and maybe that feeling is what is bringing all this "shade" to the people you feel is close to you.
We all have had our share of the jealous friend, the attention-seeking friend, the toxics pretty much. I've had those moments where I had to sit down and think about the value that person puts in my life like I do to theirs. I have my faults, we all do. But one thing that I do know, is that I am a GOOD FRIEND. Always was and will be. Any person who I was cool with that did me wrong, always came back apologizing. Wanting to get back into my presence and be around me again. I learned recently that good friends, real friends are hard to find and even harder to keep. Its hard to keep good friends because of the trust issues from the bad ones always seems to come up.
I will give a story to back up what I mean. I had a friend back in 2016 that ended in 2019. We met at the church I mentioned before. I was weary about her, tbh. She was around my age but she never went to the youth. So I decided to let her in. We became close. I drove her to the mall to find her cute outfits to change her wardrobe. I also brought her to Ulta to give her some good makeup products and I also taught her some tips. I was there when she was sad, with family problems and guy problems. When she was kicked out of her home, it was a bad situation, and when no one wanted to take her in. Sisters, church members that she known since she was 5, even guys she was talking to. I found her a place with my friend and her mother. They told me, off of the strength of who I am to them, is the only reason they are willing to take her in without meeting her. She decided to stay with her parents, so it never happened. I noticed that she would throw a bit of shade whenever someone complimented me. Or if I mention about my guy problems, she would tell me to "get over it" and get super aggravated. There's always more but what truly ended that friendship was that she went out with this guy I used to talk to behind my back. How I found out was through him. In a petty way, intended to hurt me. But that wasn't all, something else happened. So I had to end that friendship because I couldn't be around someone like that. Especially with what happened. I mean, why would I?
Another story I have happened in HS. It was my senior year. I was friends with (1) and getting to know (2) number (3) was their friend and didn't want to get to know me at all. I never cared about people wanting to like me, but I was bothered by people who continually want to show you they don't like you. and that was how (3) was. (1) wanted to hang out for our last year, since I was barely on campus. I was in Dual enrollment at a college and I was in Tech school as well. So (1) said lets do basketball management together with (2) and (3). I was like ok. It was awkward because I felt like I was the outsider in that group. (3) purposefully took me out of conversations, take (1) and (2) to just leave me by myself. They had groupchats to basically talk about me and use me to do what they wanted. (3) was always rude to me, but I realized it was because of one of the players she wanted, that unbeknownst to me, liked me. Me and (1) got into some arguments and the crazy part was we never gotten into arguments before then. It was a shady, uncomfortable place for me. I was already going through it, with college admissions, SATs, scholarships applications, church, and this guy I was into that was a bb player a year prior. This situation just made it worse. After every game, I cried my way home. Why I stayed? I can't even tell you. I stayed because my friend wanted me there. And also the coaches loved me. I was cool with his daughter and the players were funny. But I kept to myself a lot. I had to keep my guard up. I tried to show my personality and it got shut down by (3) that made (1) and (2) laugh. The dance? If I said what happened. I'll say this, they almost ruined my experience. But I found my real friends there and we had a great time. The limo ride back with the guys who came with us, which one of them was (2)'s twin brother and his people, was the best. After I graduated, I haven't talked to them like that to not at all. (1) randomly hits me up wanting to hang out, saying that she wanted to get back with the people who have been good to her. She's not friends with (3) anymore. I felt some type of way reading that. I felt all that energy that was there before coming up again. I was mad, because of how I was treated and realizing that you knew how good I was to you. But that never came back to me. I also looked at it as you only came back after (3) did you wrong. We had a conversation about what happened and she apologized. We started to rekindle a relationship again, stupid me. I came back to town for a couple of weeks and told her let's meet up. Didn't happen and tried to push it on a day that I had stuff to do two days before I left. I didn't want to rearrange my schedule for someone who didn't want to see me like that. I already saw the people I wanted to during those weeks and I messaged everyone around the same time. I decided it was best to leave that friendship where it was.
The best way to figure out who is really for you other than praying to God, is to see how they VALUE YOU.
Look at how they show up for you when you needed them, called you, supported you, hung out with you, makes you genuinely happy, doesn't bring drama, brings you opportunities. ( You have to be the same way though, its not a one way street)
If they don't, then you need to exit gracefully. Don't announce your cut off to them. Don't argue with them about the importance you don't have in their life. And don't put it on your socials subbing them like that. It's not the type of energy you want to bring into your life.
Xoxo Ashley