Photo by Kevar Whilby on Unsplash
Let's be real: do you have a criteria in who you want to be with?
I mean if you want someone with morals, or if you want someone to call you sexy all the time. Maybe a man with money and his personality doesn't matter. Or you have a certain race in mind and you will never stray away from that. I have heard and seen it all up to this point.
I still know what I want in a relationship. I look at men differently than other people might. I can read men and know if its going to work out or not. Trust, I have guys approaching me all the time. I've always focused on my goals, not putting my all into something that may or may not work. And boys/men have always been a wildcard to me. I have some catergories that you may want to use when looking for a man.
Morality. what is his character? what is his mindset? Mindset will tell you E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G about him. What does he feel about X,Y,Z? Even watch if you can about how he treats others. If he treats everyone else like s--- but to you sweet best believe when he is angry or when ya'll are done, he's gonna treat you like s--- too. How is he with his family? or his friends? how does he talk about his previous relationship? If a situation happens in front of him, will he try to help? or will he just ignore it?
When I was talking to this guy, and we went out to the mall, on the escalator there was this boy and he was three. All by himself on the steps and his dad way behind him. You can see this is a problem? He barely can walk and kids move around all the time. He could've fell and he wouldn't know how to get off an escalator, what if his feet got stuck? See I care about this random's child well being than his father, lol. And the guy I was talking to, does not like children AT ALL. Can't stand them and doesn't want them. But here he was watching this kid to make sure he was safe. Even had his foot out to keep him in one spot because the boy almost fell and the guy made sure he was ok. He could've left that child on his own. I mean thats not his kid, not his problem. But he did make it his problem. That is a man you want to be around. To care about someone who is not related to him, a random person/kid well-being.
Finances or better yet at my age Financial capability. I also look at what he can offer financially to me and possibly if we get married in the future, kids? I still don't know if I even want them but I do like them. I'm in college now but when guys come up to me I look at their majors. I'm not really picky with majors but it is a good indication on what they will possibly achieve post-grad. Sometimes it never works out in their field after graduation but let's say it does. This is the major they are passionate about. I always say if you are passionate behind something, no matter what it is, you will make money. If you aren't in college, you can see where he works at and base it off that or the dream they want also if they are working towards it. Find someone who is a man of action and not words. See also how they handle money, If they are cheap, going over their heads, or resourceful.
Looks. Attractiveness. How they carry themselves. Looks are important. I don't care. The looks vs personality conversation. Ughhh I roll my eyes at it to be honest. I will use my own personal terms on this. Since we all are attractive to someone, I won't say ugly or attractive. I will say majority-ugly and majority-attractive. If the majority feels you are unattractive then, you are majority-ugly ok. But there is someone for everyone.
When you look at someone, you do not see who they are or could be. You base it off of how they look on the outside. Just because someone is majority-ugly does not mean they are nice or will treat you right. Vice versa on that just because the person is majority-attractive does not mean they are rude or stuck-up. I have seen rude "ugly" people and sweet "attractive" people.
Looks and personality is not relative. I had to say this because it is so aggravating. I have to be with someone I am attracted to that is also attracted to me. You have to look the part for me, because I make sure to look good. If a guy doesn't look good at all to see me, I would have to think you don't like me like that. Because why would you not look good to see me?
How does he carry himself? is he lowkey? is he friendly? could he seem loyal? Body language tells it all and just by observing him can tell you a lot too. I saw this meme about the show "YOU" and it said " When I like you, I study you. and thats on Joe." This is so true. Falling back observing him will tell you more than any conversation will. Any person I was ever interested in, it was not just about the looks, it was more than that. They pretty much fit what I saw.
Vibes. Can I vibe with you? Can we have fun with each other? Do we connect? I need that. I crave that better yet. My love language is quality time, and I realize that has always been me. I love to be around someone I care about and creating memories. And I want to create moments that I will think about later on to smile about. I also can vibe with just everyone, but I can decipher if its a friend or possible relationship. If I can't vibe with you, then its not going to work. I want to be with someone that is multifaceted like me. I know how to present myself in different places. Another big part is if I am comfortable with him and vice versa. I want to know that he will let his guard down for me and let me in. Same for me as well. If I can't let my guard down to him, then he is who I should not be with.
Do you have a criteria when it comes to finding a relationship with someone? Could you relate to these points or have some more to add?