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Is there SURVIVOR'S GUILT when it comes to SUCCESS?



Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash

Does anyone feel that whenever you reach a certain point in your life, that others make you feel that you aren't worthy of it ?


What I mean by that is when you get that new job you've been wanting for a while and a family member/friend looks and acts as if you shouldn't have taken the position. "You are leaving me." " I don't want you to progress more than me." I know someone has had that experience before. It doesn't even have to be words said to you, because body language is louder.



When that situation happens, you may feel guilty because where you're going, they won't be there. That guilt may turn into sadness for a moment. But my question to that is, why do you feel guilty for reaching your goals? You put in the work they weren't willing to do. You studied, you took time to apply to those positions, you pushed yourself to make it to that point. Most cases, those same people wasn't there when you were grinding. They see what you were rewarded with, so they expect the same reward without doing anything. And when they can't reach what you have reached, they try to make you feel guilty of your accomplishments. They belittle what you have done because they know they won't be able to do it.


I had arguments with some friends when I decided to go into Dual Enrollment for my junior year. My friend said I was leaving her and didn't want me to do it. She was angry at me for even getting an application to be a part of the program. I still had to take the test and finish the other requirements. That was one of our biggest arguments since I've known her. I couldn't understand why she was mad that I got in. But it was because she knew that she wasn't able to go to a community college during HS and that she couldn't leave the school earlier. I did the work needed to be considered. I was in National Honor Society, so that should tell you about my grades. I was taking AP courses since freshman year, I studied and went to tutoring to improve. And she didn't. She didn't care much about school or being in classes, even her grades. So I couldn't get where she was coming from at the moment. I apologized to her, when looking back I shouldn't have. I just said I might possibly be going to this college next year. I even had another friend at that moment, get angry at me because I got into National Honor Society and she didn't. She didn't want to turn in the application a day later when I told her to. So in her jealously she diminished the work that I put in to get an honor like that. I ignored it. All of the arguments got me off my game and I didn't even had the energy to do well on those tests so I didn't get into the program my junior year. Thankfully, senior year I did.


When you let those negative thoughts in, you will lose the momentum you had going. You will start to gain imposter's syndrome. You will feel unworthy in places you are worthy to be in. Or even making moves that people may find stupid or risky, so you decide not to pursue it further. I want to tell you today that YOU ARE MEANT TO BE THERE, AND NO ONE SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL THAT YOU AREN'T. No one knows what you went through to get to that spot. They don't know and even if you explain it, they will never understand. Why do you need to have other people's approval about why you are where you are? Like why? You are there because you are there. Period. Plenty people have felt the need to "put me in my place" when it came to what I was doing. "You can't be in Dual Enrollment you're not smart enough." Or even when I was in National Honor Society, I didn't think you would be considered. And yet I was. I was in that position and I made waves within that position. I was in National Junior Honor Society so why wouldn't I be in National Honor Society in HS? But they didn't know that. Even if they did, they would've said that "oh middle school? of course you got in. its not that hard." But yet they wasn't in it.




BE PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS EVEN IF OTHERS AREN'T.


MAINTAIN THAT ENERGY OF FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.


KEEP THAT MOMENTUM GOING AND DO MORE BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN, AND YOU KNOW YOU CAN.


Xoxo Ashley

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